5/10/09 All Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mom's out there who are reading this. I hope that everyone had as great a day as I did!

The day got off to a lazy start Roo and D made me cinnamon toast and gave me a gorgeous necklace and told me that the day was all mine to choose what to do. I thought about it and decided that I really wanted to do the Taste of Addison and I had an absolute BLAST! Eating wise I did great but I do not know how to record it. It was definitely a free day on BFL. We had a sampler platter from Tejas de Brazil, air baked sweet potato fries from Topz, chicken kabobs from clay pit, sampler dessert platter from Melting pot, and a cupcake from celebrity cafe. All of these were of course split between 3 people with the exception of the Tejas De Brazil and I made D get his own so we both split with Roo. We walked around until we decided that we'd had enough and it was time to head home so Roo could take a nap.

While Roo slept I caught up on some of the show's I've DVR'd and I had some carrots and spinach dip for a snack.

Then I logged onto facebook and saw that someone I know had completed something that they had been training for. I am so proud of them for doing this and accomplishing this but on the other hand I am tryng to figure out why I'm excited for them. I really do not think they would not be excited for me if I accomplished a similar goal. They (and yes this is plural) have made it clear that anything that deals with endurance sports is theirs and that I am not worthy of even attempting such a thing. This goes back to when something that I never said was reported to them as being something I said and that is the time that all hell broke loose. I will swear until the day I die that I never said that but I will never be believed and it hurts more than I can say. They even talked about how stupid I was for attempting such a thing as a marathon on a discussion board that I was an active member on as well.

I don't know why I seek approval from them. I already know they don't support me at all they sent me a huge e-mail before I got married saying that I was ruining my life because D didn't go to church and that the marriage would not be supported by them etc... When I found out that I was pregnant I got a one word e-mail response and that was it. So much for how excited I was when I found out about theirs. I need to just let it go and try to ignore things that are said such as that I am not worthy of being able to run that I am never going to be worthy of any endurance sports because it is theirs or anyone else they encourage to do it (which is everyone but me) and I know I will never be one of those people and it hurts. Damn it hurts.

Anyway as I was talking to D about this I was thinking back to when was the last time I had run and realized that it had been to long and the reason I stopped was because I put the mental block back up that what they said was true that I was not ever going to be good enough to do it. So I told D I would be back later and I put on my shoes and I took off. I ran my neighborhood and I only stopped for about 30 seconds total in a 30 minute run. I DID IT!! I am over the block I am worth it and we are signing up for a 5k soon I found one that had a date that worked. I am going to do this and I am going to prove to myself that not only am I worth it I can do it. I made the neighborhood with only 30 seconds of walking. I MADE IT! I am so worth it and I am so going to do this.

And yes I am proud of the person who accomplished their goals today I can't help it but I will always wonder if they would be proud of me if the situation were reversed at such time that I do finish a race it won't be something that I really talk about because I don't want to hear the rejection. So for those who are here for my journey and who are cheering me on Thank you I can't tell you how much it means. I don't think I ever realized how much support or lack there of makes such an incredible difference.

I got home so happy and so thrilled that I had made it and it was time for dinner. I had 2 oz of buffalo chicken breast (deli meat) 1 piece of muenster cheese, a tomato, bell pepper and some stuffed potato salad from yesterday. We then went for our family walk and it was a fast one because I was still on my high for having jogged the whole thing.

Roo went down for the night and it was time for legs and back with p90x. OUCH!!! All I can say is OUCH!!!! OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!! But it was good.

GWF: It is 10:00 and I have hit all my goals.

I am 100% recommitted to p90x and will be adding in jogs 3 times a week. Since I am writing this it is being set in stone. When I go on vacation in September I will be healthy, in shape, and a smaller size.